Sunday, June 28, 2009

TALES OF SKATARA: Morgana Le Chance








IN THE GRIM WORLD OF SKATARA, LIFE CAN DANGLE ON A THREAD. HERE BENEATH SIX MOONS, ONE SIMPLE LAW MAY SAVE YOUR LIFE: EVERYTHING CAN KILL YOU, SO NEVER LET IT GET THE CHANCE!


In a world where life is short and painful, where most suffer under the yoke of tyranny, happiness is the one thing in short supply. But for a price a certain someone can bring you whatever you desire, no question. She is Morgana Le Chance, former General in the armies of king Charlecan of the drow empire, and now the self proclaimed "queen of vice."
Gambling, extortion, smuggling, slavery, and escorts are her main lines of trade and she is quite proud of her work. A shrewd tactical planner on both the battlefield, and the underworld, Morgana for the most part stays out of the petty fightings, and vicious feud of the guilds and underworld. Of course one should never take her lightly either. After all 400 years of serving in various armies has allowed her to master most every form of combat, and she so delights in showing people who cross her the skills she's learned.

Cruel, cunning, beautiful, with an almost supernatural inability to die. Morgana is an adversary no adventurer wants..what so ever.

Saturday, June 27, 2009

TALES OF SKATARA: Ga'Ja and Shakti








IN THE GRIM WORLD OF SKATARA, LIFE CAN DANGLE ON A THREAD. HERE BENEATH SIX MOONS, ONE SIMPLE LAW MAY SAVE YOUR LIFE: EVERYTHING CAN KILL YOU, SO NEVER LET IT GET THE CHANCE!
Ga'Ja and Shakti are two of the more interesting figures in this world. One the last princess of the great Kamrai(were-tiger) kingdoms, and the other a witch trainee who just happened to moonlight as a serving wench/dancing girl. Meeting each other in the grand Imperial city of Dalcada(a tale for another time) these two have become constant companions in the dangerous world of Skatara. While Ga'Ja with her agility, strength, and warrior skills can fight off any threat, Shakti's slowly deepening skills with the winds of magik allow her to support her friend and reign destruction down on enemies...Enemies which include the vicious Drow vice queen Morgana Le Chance, and the terrible Kamri high priestess Lil'aha.
Though Shaki seems willing to give a pointed barb about Ga'Ja's "savage and appalling instincts" and Ga'ja for the most part merely refers to her partner as "my pet witch" the two care for each other deeply, and woe be for any foolish adventurer to hit on either of them if they so desire to make it through another day with both their arms.
Needless to say if it's adventure, romance, and danger you crave, these two our your champions.

Thursday, June 25, 2009

What not to say to a fan




Meet Mallory Kindcaid(singer of the hot top 40 track 'I'm Hot for Moi") a woman who's career is on the up-and-up, and who's destined to be the biggest pop star on the planet..that is until one mistake. Sure the overly peppy goth chick who "soooo wanted her autograph" was kind of annoying, and yes the girl was making her late asking for this request. But honestly telling the girl "Get away from me you dumb slut!" and then having your security push the poor girl down in the mud really was a bit much.
Needless to say when karma rears it's ugly head(aka getting kidnapped after the concert via clever ruse) Mallory might want to think about how much words can hurt. After all here she is chained, ballgagged, dressed in her stage uniform, and at the mercy of a scorned goth chick who only wanted her autograph.
And really one important rule about the universe is never piss goth chicks off. They read lots of old horror books..and get plenty of ideas about what to do with you as a result.

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Somebody needs a new job



You know take it from me, not all jobs are things you want for the rest of your life. I mean who wants to work at a fast food joint until they have to retire? Or in the case of Agent Scully here work in the FBI investigating all matter of odd situations? After all the constant weirdness, conspiracies, the frequent abductions that lead to you usually in all kinds of mortal danger just doesn't sound like a job for somebody who wants a little relaxation.
I mean here you are in the basement of one Suzie Nyung who seemed like a sweet, peppy, and absolutely normal history major..until you discover that she's the leader of a cult that worships a Cambodian goddess of destruction. And now your chained to the floor, tape over your lips, and some psycho chick is dancing around with a knife. And you just know this is a bad situation that can end in results that just aren't appealing for you. And you just have to wonder if you should have just taken that nice boring desk job.
Of course with Scully's luck the desk job most likely involves a pack of secretaries who now worship an alien cult which somehow involves Scully getting tied to the desk.

Tuesday, June 23, 2009

I Demand more Sexy Librarians



You know I love a good tough girl, an ultra-butch yet cute chick who can deal with all comers(until she gets captured that is) Claudia Black, Katee Sackoff, Sigourney Weaver, Gina Gershon..I love 'em all. But you know what I also demand more of? Hot, naive, glasses-sporting, prim-and-proper librarians. It's like the perfect mirror image of a good tough girl. Where one is some screaming hellion who just won't back down from any fight the other bumbles into danger at a near constant level usually after loosing her glasses. I'm not certain why it is but there's a part of my lizard brain that makes me just love these types of characters, but it might be because you can subvert them so well. After all there's always the possiblity of the prim little librarian being a secret kinky thing who just needs one push to send her over the edge.

And really who can resist the things that happen after that?

Monday, June 22, 2009

You just can't trust anybody nowadays




Poor Giselle never knew what being in love could do. When I woman like Megan Selkirk wants the boss's stash and offers you herself as the bargain you couldn't deny her either. After all there's the nights of passion on her bed, the promises of a better life somewhere south of the border, and just the general electricity you feel whenever Giselle was near her. Too bad she's a two-headed harpy who is actually a total bitch and doesn't care about the poor girl whatsoever. Now normally one could break off a relationship that was really harmful for them both.
Of course it's a lot harder to do that when one's tied to a chair and gagged. Now Giselle can only sit as Megan tells her that she'll just have to vanish alone(taking the two of them can raise too much attention) and that sadly that means something bad is gonna happen to poor Giselle.
Maybe the poor girl should have added "psychopath with severe sadistic tendancies" to the list of Megan's flaws. But live and learn.







Sunday, June 21, 2009

How to sell me a book







Question for the day: You are a large publishing house and you want me to pick up your book what type of image do you put on your cover to sell it to me?




Answer: Basically what Hardcase does. A extremely well drawn(and delightfully self-aware) naked lady in a sleezy setting, with possible sleezy stories to follow..natch.


Seriously Hardcase has just as many hits as it does misses(admittedly when you reprint so many old pulp stories along with newer works some mishaps will happen) but pretty much all their covers are a delightful throwback to sleezy, dirty, and wonderful worlds of paperback noir. And considering how many fantasies of mine seem to look like this imagery it goes without saying that it can put me in a hypnotic trance and just about force me to buy a copy.





Saturday, June 20, 2009

Villainesses who need more love(and fear): Viper


Sure if you happen to be apprecitating a good villianess just goes without saying. After all a heroine is nothing without some evil chick standing in the wings waiting to torment her. From Barbara Steele to Baroness De Cobray we've all got our favorites, but sadly we often times forget the little ones, the chicks who don't get the attention or the following and are forgotten about. Well I for one will no longer tolarate that and with this(hopefully) ongoing series I can finally draw attention to some lonely characters who dare not be forgotten..and thankfully I've got a great one for a first post.
Viper
Movie: Doomsday(2008)
Actress: Lee-Anne Liebenberg
Who she is:
After a horrible 28 Dayish virus infects most of the population of Scotland, the British goverment eracts a modern Hadrian's wall and seals the infected folks off from England. The few who didn't get infected with the plague are reduced to a post-apocalyptic society that favors cannibalism, torture, anarchy, fire, and Adam and the Ants records. Our girl Viper is one of the nastiest and clearly got way too into the whole Celtic Revival scene.
Why she rocks:
Hell look at her! Cribbin her look from Mad Max's wasteland savages, and featuring facial tattooes which would scare a maori warrior, Viper is a perfect image of the type of savage barbarian chicks that you just know are gonna infest the world once the bombs drop. She's sadistic, kill crazy, and hot in that "I'm going to skin you alive and laugh as I do" way, and she gets a pretty nice lil' fight scene to show her stuff. She's not in the film long and hardly speaks but she sure as hell makes an impression.
Favorite scene:
Just before leaving to attend the Siouxsie and the Banshees-scored slaughterfest, our girl Viper stands in the doorway of the chained up Eden Sinclair(Rhona Mitra) gives her a nasty little smirk and smashes her captive's tracking device with her badass leather motorcycle boots. It's not much but the scary/sexy smile and just the mean bitchiness of the scene makes it my personal favorite......and kinda makes me wish we had some nice 6-hour hands on time between or prisoner and our villianess.

Friday, June 19, 2009

An Introduction to the wonderful, marvelous, perfect world of me!


Yep I know what you all are thinking "Damn my life lacks any meaning whatsoever and I just don't know if I can make it through another day." Well guess what? Help is on the way. I'm Lauren O'Rourke only the single most stunning, perfect, and wonderful chick on the planet and I look forward to loosening your burdens. Here you'll find my numerous DID and PERIL stories, random brain droppings, reviews for stuff I like, and god knows what else.
Basically I want to you look at my blog and say "Wow! I'm never gonna go to another site for as long as I live!"
And if you don't say that? Well I'll torture you until you do..but that's how I roll.