A list of things this year

Seriously I think everybody can judge that from the lack of posts(I.E. once per month it seems) that really there's only two situations that could have happened.

1. I'm lazy, and the first thing I usually do when off of work is come home and reduce myself to a catatonic daze in front of the television.

2. I'm really dead, and my evil sister Elizabetha(she looks just like me, except for having an eye-patch and posessing talent) has taken over my indentity.

For now though we'll go with the first choice(or will we?) and just assume I've been pretty much useless the past few months, instead of finishing up my first Skatara story(which is coming I swear to god!) and starting work on a few other things that have been tickling my fancy the coming new year.

Among those things? Hopefully my noir story I've been kicking around, and a couple of delightful one-shots and random thoughts.


And this time I promise I'll get around to doing them! I swear!

Watering Hole: Featuring Ga'Ja, Shakti, and special guests

"Tha's fuckin' absurd" Shakti said trying(and failing) not to slur her words. Ga'Ja kept her from leaning to far to the left and falling out of her chair, and groaned at having to repeat this action for the fifth time. "I mean...islands run by like really decadent immortal people, gods of chaos and order...talkin' black swords that it souls? It's crazy!" Shakti exclaimed shaking her mug of Andawala ale around and causing suds to slosh across the table.

"You don't have to believe me, but it is the truth human." The other patron at the table said calmly and Ga'Ja had to roll her eyes. Dispite Shakti's drunken state Ga'Ja had to admit that the white-haired, pink-eyed, and generally rather odd albino fellow(though she tried very hard not to make light of his condition) probably was making a good deal of this up. "You have to admit Melniaboney is a strange name for a country." Ga'ja said and Shakti patted her shoulder "Yeahhh it is odd soundin'.." Shakti intoned as she leaned across the table.
"First? It's called Melnibone. And second? I don't know how it's harder to believe than the idea of some steppe-based civilization made up only of immortal cat-people." The albino strange said with a slight smirk. "Espcially a civilization where itseems you have to make a clicking sound whenever you try to pronounce their names."

Ga'Ja and the albino looked each other square in the eyes, sizing each other up hands heading straight for their weapons. In the albino's case it was his black blade(Stormweaver, Stormbrewer, something like that) and in Ga'Ja's case it was E's-Toki her enchanted asagi that she kept at her side. Shakti just looked on, downed her mug of beer, and tried to get through her drunken stupor and think of some spell(most likely involving toads) before this got out of hand. After all the albino had insulted the Kamrai people..which mean insulting their god queen..which meant insulting Ga'Ja by proxy..which always ended in disaster. Not like this pale man seemed to care, in fact what made Shakti nervous was the way his eyes moved, as if he'd been around in rough parts before as well.

The air was tense, the people at the table seemed to be moving in slow motion, and any second blades would flash and magick would be unleashed......except all that got interrupted by a rather loud laugh. "Why if it isn't our two most favorite wenches in all of the world!" The giant red-bearded norseman boomed as he uncorked his wine bottle and strided behind the table. His shorter dark-haired, and sly companion stood with him already clearly intoxicated by the wine. "That's absolutely right my rather mirthful friend..GaGa, and Shockta?" The dark haired man asked.

The albino looked on confused, Shakti let out a loud groan and sank in her seat, and Ga'Ja growled. "Why yes it is Farthead, and Black Ratter...yes it is." She said softly while balling her hands into fists.


Shakti hiccuped, rolled her eyes at the confused albino who still clutched his sword cautiously, put down three gold pieces, and leaned back in her chair..all to aware that she'd soon be forced to find another bar.

Bodana Dyalov My handler

My job? Why do you ask? Besides some idiotic notion that you can do what I do better. Why the nerve of you even slightly suggesting that I......

*Takes phone call*

*Sigh* Alright I suppose I'll tell you. My name is Bodana Dyalov, A3 class agent for UNITY(meaning I can go anywhere I please) and currently I'm assigned to the "Underworld, and terrorism investigation department" with direct orders to watch-over and guard our newest agent, Lauren O'Rourke. Happy now? No? *Sigh* Alright I have to follow her in the field, protect her, and keep watch over her 24/7. She's not allowed to move on her own, or work on her own without my express say so.

*Takes sip of coffee and starts checking computer.* Of course this is obnoxious..Lauren is rather frustrating, and her former criminal nature resurfaces all to often.

*Opens her email..is met with a picture of Lauren wearing only frilly lingere. She spits her coffee out*

LAUREN! YOU TOUCH MY COMPUTER AGAIN YOU DIE!

*Takes a deep breath and settles down*

See what I mean? Just no breaks whatsoever with that woman..can't you see why I want to get a new partner?

*Waits until interview is over..then copies picture into favorites*

Agent Lauren O'Rourke of UNITY

Ahhh..crime they say it never pays but I lived pretty well. Every night it was another ritzy hotel, another beautiful girl at my side, and more money than I could spend at one. Being a gangster was wonderful, so was being a thief, an arms dealer, and pretty much any other unsavory thing you could possibly think of. Oh crime pays, and it payed extremely well.
Until the day I found myself on the wrong end of an angry heroine, and soon found myself beaten, and cuffed...awaiting a very long stint in prison. My life was over, and soon I'd be the new fresh meat in prison..life was unfair.


That is until an angel walked in. Tall, Russian, tough and beautiful. Told me her name was Bodana Dyalov and that she had an offer I just couldn't refuse..and looking at her I don't think I could resist anyway. Soon enough I find myself taken outta jail, flown out of the country, and told that a body matching my discription was found outside of Boston. My former life is over..it's now time for me to join an elite organization of spies known as UNITY.

Now? I'm using all the criminal skills I've learned to track down agents of the underworld..including members of CHIMERA, a vicious terrorist group that hopes to bring about a new Reich. Too bad that I'm still not trusted to go off any place by my own, so I have to have Bodana follow me around any place I go..and hope that we both don't get killed in yet some other wicked plot.

Yeah my life has changed, and I'm no longer who I used to be...no problem though, I kinda like playing the good-girl.
..and not just because I wanna get in Bodana's pants.

Things not said aloud: A Monica Minx and Cerise Visconti story

Monica:

We aren't going to make it, I know that's for certain. We're tied back-to-back, tape over our lips, and a goddamn bomb is ticking with only ten minutes left. After all the situations I've been in, all the narrow escapes, I'm about to be done in by one of the most cliche devices known to man.

Well fine, I've made my peace...but I've also got to get something off my chest.

Cerise I'm in love with you. There simple as that. Sure I make more "white girl" jokes than you can imagine, and I'm seriously never going to "get" Hüsker Dü, but I love you all the same.

"Mmghgmhm" 9 minutes left and the ropes around my wrists still aren't loose.

Cerise I don't know why it's taken me all this time to tell you this, and right now I'm kicking myself for not doing it sooner. Here you are every single day, always with that camera of yours making sure I look good, and always being the first to help me with everything...and..and...you always happened to be right in front of me. And I missed you.

"Mmghgmghmhmhm!" My eyes go wide, I think the knots around my wrists are slightly loose. I wiggle against you.

Cerise:

Ohmygod we're DEAD! No doubt in my mind, I mean the ropes are tight, the gags are secure, and neither of us are exactly escape artists. The time bomb keeps ticking, and no matter how hard I struggle I can't get free. That's okay though..at least I'm with you. Yeah that's right boss, I'm head over heels for you.

"Mmghgmghgmh!!" I try to help you with the knots around your wrists..no good.

It's hard to pinpoint exactly when I fell over heels for you. But if I had to put anything down on paper it would be that day in the apartment when I caught you dancing to Outkast's PJ & Rooster. Those tight jeans you wore, the way you moved..god I almost converted to hip-hop in full that day.

"mMGHGMHT!!!" My eyes go wide mostly because I feel your rear press against mine..then I realize that you've gotten the ropes around your wrists loose! Oh my god we might make it out!

Monica:

"Mmghgmghmh!!" Yeah that's it Cerise work with me here, help me out with the knots, and maybe..just maybe we might survive.

And if we do surive? Here's what I'm going to do. First I'm going to kiss you really hard, and for a hell of a long time. Then? I'm going to take you home, rip that "maoist revolutionary" get-up off, crank up some Lauryn Hill, and ravish your French ass for about 10 hours. That's exactly what I'm going to do, and I'm going to let you know...

"MGMGHGMGHMH!!!" I can feel it! The ropes! They're almost off my wrists! But there's only four minutes left! Shit!

Cerise:

"mghmmgghmghmghgm!!!" God it's hard getting these knots out but I think I can manage. I'm so nervous, so scared, but we just might make it!

And if we do make it? I'm going to take you back to Marseille with me, I'm going to dress you up as some Nubian queen, I'm going to put on P.J. Harvey, and I'm going to make love to you in every single building in the city. And I'm going to let you know....

"MGHGMGGHMHMH!!!!" Oh god! I feel the knots get loose! But only four minutes? We aren't going to make it.

Monica:

"MMGFGMGJGMGHGMGH!!!!" THERE! The ropes are off my wrists! Okay now pull the rope that binds our torso's together off, and try to untie your ankles. Hold on Cerise we're almost done.

I wonder if your lips taste like cherries.

Cerise:

"MGMGHGMGHGMHMH!!!!" YOU DID IT! I knew you could though, because everything about you is amazing. Get yourself untied then free me!

I wonder how warm you are.

Monica:

I pull the ankle ropes away! And with a loud "OWWW!" rip the tape off my lips. 2 minutes left. I rush to untie you, because I've got to say so much.

Cerise:

I feel you untie my wrists, and I without pause bend down and start untie my legs. You peel my gag off "Viens m'enculer!" I swear.

Monica:

Without another thought I grab you and start running, the seconds tick down, the door seems so far. "BOOOOMMMM!!!!" We just made it, tumbling into the bushes as the warehouse goes up in smoke.

I find myself on top of you.

Cerise:

We're not going to make it! We're going to die! No matter how fast we go! We make it...leaping out into the bushes just at the last second.

I find myself pinned underneath you.

Monica:

I kiss you.

Your lips taste like cherries.

Cerise:

I let you kiss me.

You feel so warm.

Coming Soon: Pin-up Gal: A hot-blooded Noir

Nancy was a Vegas showgirl heading for the sleepy town of Silver Dollar with a bag full of ill-earned gains, and a wish to start anew.

Chelo was a gal from the wrong side of the border looking for love, and easy money.

Claudia was the town sheriff, with too much ambition, and not enough good sense.

All three have purchased tickets to a nightmare that's only going to get worse as it goes along. From late-night bedhopping, to vicious backstabbing, to things of a far more fatal sort. Naturally it's one hell of a ride.

One that might not involve any of them left standing at the end.

Heroines that need more love: The Tough chick

(In my ongoing quest to make space in my brain for more important matters, I've decided to add a another chapter in what will hopefully be a long list of "need more love topics, and hopefully bore you with some more of my goofy opinions.

Enjoy)

The Heroine: The tough chick

The look: Varies from film to film, and show to show, but usually a woman who's not a shrieking violet, nor a lithe Kung-Fu cutie. She's beautiful but usually in a tough rugged way, and wears clothes that seem more "butch" than lady-like.

Perfect examples: The girls above. Namely Claudia Black in Farscape, Katee Sackhoff in Battlestar Galactica, and Gina Gershon in Bound along with Sigourney Weaver in Aliens, and Linda Hamilton in Terminator 2.

Why they rock: Let's be honest in most DID tales the main heroine isn't exactly somebody who's gonna win a badass reward. Sure she'll struggle, wiggle, and get outta peril, but she's not a trained fighter or somebody that deals with dangerous situations all the time. The tough girl on the other hand? Well you can bet that she's been involved in rough stuff before, been in a few bad situations before, and most likely won't totally loose it when things start falling apart. Sure she might get captured, bound and gagged, and put in peril..but you can believe she at least headbutted somebody, or at least is thinking about while tied up.

Cool use of them: Generally I've found that when I'm writing duos there's nothing better than teaming up a tough girl with a more conventional damsel. Say making one a toughie with a dark history, and the other some suburban girl who can't help but fall from her charms. It's an excellent(and cute!) paring that can make the stories even better.

Great imaginary scene: Our tough cookie is in a bad spot. Some nasty folks konked her on the head, stripped her down to only her bra and panties, and have left her gagged and taped to a chair in front of a ticking time bomb. Even worse? The baddies have told her that they know where her true love is, and they're heading to her place right now to kill her nice and slowly. Our heroine is now left with the knowlage that not only will she die, but that her beloved will suffer as well.

Of course this is where she starts gathering her strength, starts struggling harder, screams into her gag, wiggles in her seat, and desperatly battles the bondage and the clock to not only save her life, but to save her lover, and maybe in the process get to be the heroine.